Category: MEDIATION

Nobody Said Mediation Would Be Easy
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Nobody Said Mediation Would Be Easy | Clare Piro

{3:54 minutes to read} Since I write so often about the benefits of mediation, I think it’s time that I acknowledge something I often share with clients at the initial consultation. After I have explained the basics of mediation, I say that I think mediation can be a hard thing to do and commend them for making that choice. And while I firmly believe that it is the best option to resolve conflict, I’ll admit it’s still not an easy process.

Click here to read Clare Piro's full article...

Have Seniors Become Their Own Worst Enemy?
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Authored by , re: Elder Care, MEDIATION, on .
Have Seniors Become Their Own Worst Enemy? by Sig Cohen

I used to like being told I look great for my age. It was a super ego-booster, made me feel special. But what did that remark really mean? It meant that the person making the remark has a stereotypical view of what older people SHOULD look like. And I didn’t fit their stereotype. It wasn’t really a compliment. It was a remark tainted with prejudice.

Click Here to read Sig Cohen's full article...

elder care mediation: ensure everyone’s voice is heard
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
elder care mediation: ensure everyone’s voice is heard | Jennifer Safian

{3:60 minutes to read} With an increasingly aging population, people are living well into their nineties. Unfortunately, with age comes more health issues—physical as well as mental. The increasing needs of the elderly often cause rifts among their children as to how to best manage the care of their parents. Often, old dynamics and tensions between siblings reappear as they find themselves facing a family crisis, causing difficulties in reaching a consensus on what the best approach may be to resolve that crisis.

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Payments in Addition to Child Support???
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Payments in Addition to Child Support??? | Clare Piro

{3.36 minutes to read} I try to avoid jargon when working with clients. When I’m not successful, it’s easy to spot by the looks on clients’ faces when they have no idea what I’m talking about. One of these is the phrase “add-ons to child support,” which I tend to use before offering an explanation. This is a very common phrase to professionals who work with separating parents. For the parents themselves, not so much.

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finding a balance for parent and adult child communication
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
finding a balance for parent and adult child communication | Jennifer Safian

{3:12 minutes to read} Myriam, an elderly lady, was referred to me by an acquaintance who thought I may be of help in facilitating a difficult dialogue between her and her married son, Scott. It was evident to me from the moment I met them that they had enormous love for each other. It was also obvious that they were both very tense and concerned about the outcome of the session. Each tried to explain how it seemed that every attempt Myriam made to reach out to her son caused enormous stress to both of them. According to Scott, Miriam’s attempts were much too frequent. Myriam said that he “never” answered her calls and that she “never” saw him!

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Why I Provide an Initial Consultation at No Charge
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Why I Provide an Initial Consultation at No Charge | Clare Piro

{3:42 minutes to read} A couple of years ago, I was a member of a panel discussion regarding client intake in mediation and collaborative matters. The audience was primarily attorneys, and I mentioned that I provided an initial consultation at no charge. A matrimonial attorney, who probably had just a few more years experience than I, was incredulous. She said that she hadn’t given a free consultation since she was a “baby attorney.” I guess I should have been insulted, but I wasn’t. I explained that when I represented individual clients in a matrimonial matter, I always billed for a consultation. At that meeting, we discussed substantive matters, and I provided valuable information over the course of a 1½- to 2-hour consultation.

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A Friend and Colleague’s Thoughts on Maintenance
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A Friend and Colleague’s Thoughts on Maintenance | Ada Hasloecher

My friend and mediation colleague, Clare Piro, wrote an excellent blog article on “Maintenance” this month. She perfectly articulated the issues and options available to our clients when we discuss the whole concept of maintenance. I asked her if I can post it on my site to share with my readers, and she graciously allowed me to do so.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

The Virtue of Vulnerability
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Authored by , re: Elder Care, MEDIATION, on .

On September 29, 2016, I sat riveted as Judge Michael Aloi of West Virginia encouraged mediators to become more vulnerable. The message, the messenger, and the audience’s response were stunning. The message was surprising because mediators are usually encouraged to be neutral. Judge Aloi reminded us that most of our clients are experiencing deep pain. Our visible empathy and deep listening can help them feel safer—show them they’ve been heard. Judge Aloi said our vulnerability shows we connect with them. It telegraphs, “You are important to me. You matter.”

Click here to read Carolyn Parr's full article

Bottom Lines: Don’t Reveal, But Do Discuss
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Authored by , re: Business Law, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Bottom Lines: Don’t Reveal, But Do Discuss | Gary Shaffer

{3:54 minutes to read} In my last blog I discussed why you should not reveal your bottom line during a mediation. You can read that here. My teaser line at the end was that it’s important for attorneys and clients to discuss bottom lines. And that discussion may have to occur several times. Parties generally enter a mediation with very different ideas as to what a case is worth or what it should settle for. The plaintiff thinks the defendant should take out the checkbook and be prepared to write a check with lots of zeros. The defendant thinks that any check should contain only zeros.

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What are the 4 Elements of Divorce?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
What are the 4 Elements of Divorce? | Susan Ingram

{3:30 minutes to read} When most people are going through a divorce they don’t think about the various elements that come into play during this difficult process. They are often overwhelmed with emotions (anger, resentment and sadness, among them) that come up during this extremely difficult time of their lives. They often become stuck in the disputed details of their lives, and are unable to see the Big Picture of what is in play and thus understand the essential interaction between the 4 elements of divorce.

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A Shift to the Extreme is Everywhere
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
A Shift to the Extreme is Everywhere | Clare Piro

{3:12 minutes to read} My first ritual of the fall entails my husband and I getting a flu shot, going out for brunch, and then going shopping for Halloween. Just in case there is an area of the yard or a surface in the house that is not already adorned with Halloween decor, we are always on the lookout for interesting pieces. At this point we seek out things that are unique, clever, or attractive, like some vintage pieces or Day of the Dead figurines.

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Who Is Frida Kahlo and How Did She Influence My Mediation?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Who Is Frida Kahlo and How Did She Influence My Mediation? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:24 minutes to read} Frida Kahlo de Rivera was a prolific Mexican artist, political activist and fascinating character. She was born in 1907 and died in 1954. After suffering a debilitating injury in a bus accident as a young girl, she was bed-bound for years. In order to cheer her up, her father bought her an easel and paints, and thus began her life’s work.

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The High-Wire Act Called Mediation
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Authored by , re: Elder Care, MEDIATION, on .
The High-Wire Act Called Mediation by Sig Cohen

I once heard an experienced mediator comment: “I care, but I don’t care that much.” I never quite grasped his meaning. Was he suggesting that a mediation session is entirely in the hands of the parties, and if they can’t reach an agreement within a specific period of time, tough luck? Or did he feel that, despite how close the parties got to an agreement, if an impasse arose, he’d be damned if he’d fall on his sword to help them reach the finish line? Not always, but in many mediations, I feel like I’m one of the Flying Wallendas, balanced on a high wire trying to accomplish two things:

  1. Help the parties reach the far end of the wire (settling the case); and
  2. Not fall off the tightrope (i.e. keeping a party from leaving the session).

Click here to read Sig Cohen's full article

The Gray Divorce – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
The Gray Divorce – Part 2 | Susan Ingram

{4:12 minutes to read}  In my last blog, I wrote about the general phenomenon of the Gray Divorce. This trend is continuing to grow as adults in their 50s, 60s and older divorce their spouses, frequently after many years of marriage. There are unique issues that need to be addressed by a couple that decides to divorce at this later stage of life.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

In Memoriam: Sydell S. Sloan – A Divorce & Family Mediation Pioneer
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, on .

{4:36 minutes to read} Our mediation community has lost one of our own. And I have lost a dear friend and mentor. Sydell Sloan passed away on Friday, September 2nd, peacefully and surrounded by her loved ones. For those of us who did not know she was ill, this came as a complete shock. Her illness was sudden, as was her death. We are all still reeling from the news.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

It Takes 2, Baby!? Or, What Happens When Only One Person Wants the Divorce?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
It Takes 2, Baby!? Or, What Happens When Only One Person Wants the Divorce | Rachel Alexander

{6:48 minutes to read} In New Jersey, divorce requires only one willing party. So what about the other party? The one who doesn’t want the divorce? And how can this work in mediation? Mediation is sometimes believed to be an alternative only when both parties want divorce. I would suggest that mediation is still the best alternative, even for the party who doesn’t want to end the marriage. Because a divorce will occur, with or without the consent of the non-moving party, the question becomes not whether there will be a divorce but how it will be reached. Mediation is always the better process, but perhaps even more so for the one who hasn’t had the opportunity to initiate the divorce.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article ...

Make Up 3 Stories
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, on .
Make Up 3 Stories by Carolyn Parr

Like Paris, Washington, DC is a city of outdoor cafes. One of my favorite things to do while sipping a margarita at Guapo’s is to make up stories about the people passing by. It’s fun to do with a friend. Recently, for instance, a clean-shaven, neatly dressed brown-skinned man with straight hair walked by. He wore a blue dress shirt, open at the neck, with his sleeves rolled up. He looked 30-ish, serious, focused as he entered Starbucks next door.

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Who’d Have Thought
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Authored by , re: Elder Care, MEDIATION, on .
Who'd Have Thought - Sig Cohen, Tough Conversations

As elder and adult family mediators, we keep learning about (not-so-new) legislation, court settlements, and resources that may pleasantly surprise many elders and their family members. Here are three that may benefit you, a loved one, or someone you support.

  1. Medicaid is Not a Single Program
Many, including myself, thought that Medicaid covers only nursing home care for low- and no-income individuals who financially qualify for the benefit. Not so.

Click Here to Read Sig Cohen's full article...

The Magic of the Winter Picnic
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, Parenting, on .
The Magic of the Winter Picnic | Rachel Alexander

{9:54 minutes to read} Divorce, Money and How [Much] to Insulate the Children One winter evening, when I was five, my mother announced we would be having a picnic for dinner. It was winter and dark outside, so I was dubious. She was unassailable. She spread out our regular picnic blanket in the living room by the fireplace, and when my father came home, the three of us ate a picnic-style dinner. The experience of eating with my parents on a picnic blanket on the floor on a regular weeknight for no purposeful reason at all was magical to me.

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In the Heat of the Summer by Phil Ochs – 1965
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, on .
In the Heat of the Summer by Phil Ochs – 1965 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} For those of us of a certain age, the current social and political climate reminds us of the 1960s and the pervasive political and racial unrest that clutched almost a decade. Back in the mid 60s there were demonstrations, marches and assassinations—you name it. All in the name of an unpopular war, racial inequality, women’s rights—a seething unrest that permeated every aspect of American life.

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Rachel “Andy Rooney” Alexander—An Op-Ed Blog
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Rachel “Andy Rooney” Alexander—An Op-Ed Blog | Rachel Alexander

{3:18 minutes to read} Why is everything so truncated and terrible these days? Why can’t we have something that works well? Years ago, we had our credit cards swiped by store clerks. Then, we had to swipe them ourselves, and now we have chip cards, allegedly for our protection, that require considerably more time to process. Since I started using my chip card, I’ve had my first security breach. Chip credit cards—take longer, more complicated. Horrible!

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

3 Common Myths About Divorce Mediation
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, on .

{3:24 minutes to read}  Recently, I wrote a blog entitled “Divorce Mediation and the Pigeonhole Effect.” In that article, I spoke about the way divorce mediation has unjustifiably been “pigeonholed” by some professionals as being an effective approach for couples in conflict only in very limited situations. Now I’d like to expand upon my earlier discussion by identifying what I see as 3 of the most common misconceptions regarding mediation.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

Divorce: Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Marriage, MEDIATION, on .
Divorce: Know When to Hold ‘Em, Know When to Fold ‘Em | Rachel Alexander

{5:36 minutes to read} Recently, a young man, Dave*, called the office, reeling from the discovery of his wife’s infidelity and, even more so, from the lies she told to cover it up. As a divorce mediator and family law attorney, it’s not unusual to receive a call from someone experiencing painful emotions. This young man wanted to schedule an appointment as soon as possible and begin an action for divorce. Dave was shaken, triggered and emotionally hijacked. He was in crisis and aiming to push through it into action.  

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article..

 

The Red Flags
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The Red Flags | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} I recently conducted a consultation with a potential client. I had a feeling from the first call that this might be a problematic situation. The husband was the initiating spouse. After speaking briefly with him, I offered some dates to schedule a consultation. He said he would get back to me once he checked with his wife. He called back and scheduled the consultation for a few weeks hence. Then they cancelled. Then they rescheduled. 1st Red Flag.

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Untangling Lives: The Divorce Mediation Process
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Untangling Lives: The Divorce Mediation Process | Susan Ingram

{3:48 minutes to read} Divorce mediation, as opposed to a contested divorce (in which each spouse hires an attorney and fights it out through the court system), is often a better choice for couples. When a couple decides to divorce, they need to begin the process of “disentangling” from each other. They can either approach this task in a humane and constructive way (which mediation supports), or they can let it degenerate into increased anger and animosity (which litigation often results in).

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The Difference Between the Mediator, the Draftsman, and Bartleby the Scrivener
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The Difference Between the Mediator, the Draftsman, and Bartleby the Scrivener | Rachel Alexander

{7:18 minutes to read} On occasion, clients enter mediation with a proposed property settlement agreement in hand -- something they have put together in an attempt to get a head start on (and save money in) the mediation process. The parties want the family mediator (or family law attorney) to draft an agreement for them reflecting exactly what they proposed.

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Divorce Mediation and the Communication Trap
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Divorce Mediation and the Communication Trap | Susan Ingram

{3:06 minutes to read} Earlier this year, one of my mediation couples was in the middle of a discussion as to how they were going to divide their financial assets. They had agreed to divide their bank and investment accounts equally and each retain their own retirement accounts. They then turned to the subject of the annual bonus the husband was scheduled to receive from his employer at the end of December.

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