Category: MEDIATION

How Do I Tell My Spouse I Want a Divorce?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
 How Do I Tell My Spouse I Want a Divorce? | Susan Ingram

{4:24 minutes to read} Not infrequently, when someone first calls me to discuss the possibility of divorce mediation, they will mention that they have not yet brought up the subject with their spouse. The caller (the initiating spouse) typically describes a marriage that has not been good for some time; the marriage no longer works for him or her and it needs to come to an end.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

All Quiet On The Western Front?
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All Quiet On The Western Front? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} The World War I masterpiece All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque was not required reading when I was in high school. I was intrigued to tackle it recently as a result of a reference in another novel I recently finished. Oh my. I have not been able to shake its profound impact on me since reading it over a month ago.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

“Someday” and “Maybe” Numbers: The Challenge of Dividing Retirement Assets – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Asset Management, Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
“Someday” and “Maybe” Numbers: The Challenge of Dividing Retirement Assets – Part 2 by Rachel Alexander

{4:00 minutes to read} Just because we determine a value for something does not mean we divide it!Often spouses are concerned that the mere mention of an asset puts it on the auction block and forfeits their exclusive rights to it. Not so!

Getting a comprehensive picture and value of ALL assets is an important part of creating a solid settlement agreement. An agreement should even specify assets whose separate nature is undisputed, with the other party waiving any rights, title or interest thereto.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

Mediation Helps Couples Successfully Untangle Their Lives
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Mediation Helps Couples Successfully Untangle Their Lives | Susan Ingram

{1:42 minutes to read}

“Never cut what you can untie.”

Joseph Joubert, French essayist

This aphorism came to my attention recently when one of my colleagues was giving a presentation at our annual conference for the NYS Council on Divorce Mediation. I was immediately struck by the wisdom contained in its 6 simple words. I’m sure the writer wasn’t thinking of mediation when he wrote these words (he lived in the mid 18th through early 19th centuries), yet I find that it fits perfectly with the concept and process of my work as a mediator.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

What Are Five Lessons from the First 100 (+/-) Days?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
What Are Five Lessons from the First 100 (+/-) Days? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} Without getting into politics—and I know it’s difficult not to these days—the purpose of my article is to see the macrocosm of our current governmental divisions and compare it to the microcosm of the negotiations that couples engage in when mediating. In watching the continued stalemates in Washington unfold, I was inspired to share some thoughts that have held my clients in good stead during their mediations—with some coaching from their mediator, of course! Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

Mediating Family Business Disputes
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Authored by , re: Business Law, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Mediating Family Business Disputes | Gary Shaffer

{3:42 minutes to read} In my previous blog post on this topic, I described some of the general issues that arise during a mediation involving an intra-family commercial dispute. These included:

  • Resentments built up slowly over time;
  • Allies and enemies;
  • Divergent recollections; and
  • Emerging “alternate truths.”
The first reported case involving these kinds of matters goes back a long way. It’s found in the book of Genesis, in the paradigmatic dysfunctional family story of Isaac, Rebecca, Jacob, and Esau.

Click here to read Gary Shaffer's full article...

David’s Divorce Dictionary: Hamilton
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David’s Divorce Dictionary: Hamilton | David Kellem

David’s Divorce Dictionary: H is for Hamilton Definition: a smash hit Broadway show that proves fighting for emotional justice is most often a fool’s errand. Hamilton: I’m not throwing away my shot. No! I’m not throwing away my shot! Kellem: Your best shot at a livable divorce outcome is by negotiation and settlement. Hamilton: But I have been insulted and my legacy tarnished! Kellem: You can go to New Jersey to duel with Burr. But someone is going to get hurt badly and    permanently. Probably both of you. Chorus: So Kellem, please tell ‘em – what’s Ham’s best shot in his divorce? Kellem: Mediation, Collaboration, Negotiation, Arbitration! Chorus: Explanation?

Click here to read David Kellem's full article...

What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:06 minutes to read} No matter which spouse wants out of the marriage, there invariably comes a time when there may be some second guessing. This is not to say that there is going to be a reconciliation, but the fact of the matter is that, as with all big decisions, the actual reality may not be as clean and clear as it was when we originally conceived it.Case in point: I worked with a couple where the wife was definitely the initiator of the separation. I’m pretty sure that she already had a significant other in her life when they came to see me. The husband looked like someone had shot him out of a cannon. He was despondent and morose and seemed lost to the point of despair.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

Can a Mediator be Omnipartial?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Can a Mediator be Omnipartial? | Susan Ingram

{1:00 minute to read} I explained in my last article that I would be reposting two earlier blogs on the subject of mediator impartiality, since this topic is of great interest to clients and professionals alike. The second blog was entitled “Can Mediators be Impartial and Address an Imbalance of Power?I describe my role of mediator as being omnipartial toward all of the parties.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} In the preceding 3 articles, we have covered the subjects of retirement funding, comparing 401(k)s and IRAs, and dividing a 401(k) plan. As you will see, IRA plans almost never require a QDRO. However, many of them do have detailed paperwork which can look similar in scope to the language in a QDRO document. Typically, the plan will want to see a copy of the section of the Settlement Agreement (Separation Agreement) that spells out how the parties agreed to split the IRA along with their paperwork. It’s always wise to prepare the paperwork well in advance of the judgement of divorce as there can be a lag time with the paperwork.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

When Moving On is More Important Than Discerning the Truth
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, on .
When Moving On is More Important Than Discerning the Truth | Clare Piro

{3:48 minutes to read} While the history of a client’s relationship is obviously relevant to them, its relevance to the mediation is not necessarily the same. If there is a dispute as to whether or not an event occurred, my role is not to determine the truth. That would be in the realm of litigation. In mediation, its relevance has to do with the effect that those beliefs about past events have on each party’s ability to work with the other in the process and reach a resolution.

Click here to read Clare Piro's full article...

Mediator Impartiality: Is It Possible?
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Mediator Impartiality: Is It Possible? | Susan Ingram

{3:24 minutes to read}  Two of the most frequently read articles I’ve posted on my blog have addressed the subject of mediator impartiality or neutrality. While both articles were published nearly three years ago, this subject is as relevant and important today as it was then. And after re-reading these articles, I don’t think I could say it any better now. So, without further ado, here’s a link to the first article entitled “Can a Mediator Really be Neutral or Impartial”?

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

Look Who is Coming to the Mediation Table
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, on .
Look Who is Coming to the Mediation Table by Rachel Alexander

{4:54 minutes to read} What happens when attorneys join clients in matrimonial mediation? It’s anyone’s guess!

Generally, in my practice, divorce mediations are intimate, including only the parties and the mediator. This often adds to the sense of confidentiality and privacy. It works well for many clients who want to speak candidly about difficult issues in a safe, unbiased environment.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
 Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 and Part 2 of BJ Mann’s article on retirement plans and divorce, we talked about retirement funds in general and the differences between 401(k)s and IRAs. Now to the topic of dividing the plans. No matter how these plans are divided (equally or some other sharing arrangement), the math must be done first.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

 

family dispute? ask a question
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
family dispute? ask a question | Jennifer Safian

{1:36 minutes to read} With our aging population and the growth of multi-generation families, the need for family mediation is increasing as conflicts arise. These conflicts come in all shapes and sizes:

  • Disputes between siblings over the care of aging parents
  • Squabbles regarding distribution of assets in inheritances
  • Disagreements regarding the sharing of family vacation homes
  • Resentments of elder parents feeling that they don’t get the attention they need from their children
  • Money disputes
And many others. Click here to read Jennifer Safian's full article...

Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 of this series, BJ Mann reviewed the three main types of retirement funding. In Part 2, we move on to the important details for the mainstay of the typical retirement plans: 401(k)s (and their sisters) and IRAs in all their permutations. These do not address pensions, which will be discussed in a future post. Of particular interest is the difference between qualified and non-qualified plans, which require different sets of instructions for dividing.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

The Mediator Will See You Now…
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, on .
The Mediator Will See You Now… | Rachel Alexander

{4:18 minutes to read} Often, with the best intentions, clients prepare for mediation by trying to resolve as many things as possible before setting foot in my office. They think they’re doing themselves a great service, getting a running head start. However, in my experience, the opposite is true. The time to see the mediator is immediately.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

Sundays, Bloody Sundays
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, Parenting, on .
Sundays, Bloody Sundays by Rachel Alexander

{4:42 minutes to read} Sundays are not known to be the bright spot of the week. Sundays, especially Sunday evenings, can be bleak for everyone, but they can be particularly difficult for the newly divorced. On Sundays, the weekend shuts its eyes, and only Monday gleams on the horizon. For most, this means a return to work or school; a putting away of our freer selves; a tucking in and straightening out in preparation for our weekday responsibilities.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

Unemployment While Negotiating an Agreement
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Unemployment While Negotiating an Agreement | Clare Piro

{3:48 minutes to read} Unfortunately, people who are getting divorced are not exempt from downsizing, market fluctuations, facility closings, etc. which can lead to a period of unemployment. How can divorcing couples factor in this development as they work through separating their households and assets? How do they cope with this monumental change in their lives, on top of this monumental change in their lifestyle? If one of you is unemployed, it may not be entirely within your power to resolve the situation. If the unemployment has been for an extended period of time, or if you are older in a younger or no longer relevant industry, your concerns may be magnified.

Click here to read Clare Piro's full article...

give the divorce process the time it needs
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
give the divorce process the time it needs | Jennifer Safian

{3:12 minutes to read} Instant gratification… isn’t that what many of us expect in all areas of our lives? Professional as well as personal? And when we cannot get whatever it is we want at that very moment, we may often be left feeling anxious and tense. Rushing to get an instant result, however, can prevent us from making good decisions. By the time we realize that we may not have given ourselves the extra time to think things out properly, it’s too late, and we cannot take back what we created or said by wanting it “NOW.” And even if we can, we may suffer negative consequences from having to undo what we rushed into.

Click here to read Jennifer Safian's full article...

Culling Down To The Essentials
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
  Culling Down To The Essentials | Ada Hasloecher

{3:36 minutes to read} Recently a very, very close friend of our family passed away. She was my mother’s oldest and dearest friend. She was family. Her health had been deteriorating of late, but her death came as quite a shock to those of us who knew and loved her. We all called her “Darling,” because that’s what she called everyone, AND she looked like Ava and Zsa Zsa Gabor and Ivana Trump all rolled into one.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

Co-Mediation: Does it Make Sense?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Co-Mediation: Does it Make Sense? | Gary Shaffer

{3:18 minutes to read} Mediations come in different flavors. Most typical is a single mediator who meets with the parties and includes joint as well as individual sessions. Co-mediation is sometimes used in divorce or family matters, usually with a male and female mediator working with a male and female couple. The thought is that such an arrangement will lessen the possibility or the perception of gender bias. Experienced mediators are careful to avoid any bias as best they can or are at least able to pick up when a particular spouse/partner is sensing some bias.

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Is There Room For Other Professionals in Mediation?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, on .
Is There Room For Other Professionals in Mediation? | by Rachel Alexander

{3:18 minutes to read} People going through divorce often discover they need more help than they initially imagined. Not only are they divorcing, but they now need:

  • Their own health insurance;
  • Life insurance to secure child support/alimony obligations;
  • Therapy to support the period of adjustment;
  • A real estate agent to list the home or find a new one;
  • A mortgage broker to refinance the home;

Click Here to Read Rachel Alexander's Full Article....

Parenting Arrangements for Special Needs Children
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Parenting Arrangements for Special Needs Children | Susan Ingram

{3:32 minutes to read} When I’m mediating with parents who have a special needs child, I view myself as being on a “fact finding mission.” What do I mean by that? In addition to performing my other mediator responsibilities, my role is to gather as much information as I can about the couple’s special needs child, and how that child’s disability relates to each of the parents’ lives, as well as to any other siblings in the family. Clearly, these family relationships are often more complex than families without a special needs child.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

Why Do People Get Divorced?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .

{6:12 minutes to read} First, it should be said, no one divorces lightly. No one has ever walked into my office and declared: “We heard there was a special on divorce. We weren’t considering it, but this deal is too incredible to pass up!” No one comes in because they’ve just had a bad day or are bored. Couples thinking about divorce are despairing. Divorce is an action of last resort.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

From Sex in the City to Divorce in the Suburbs: Sarah Jessica Parker Shows Us What NOT to Strive For
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .

Sarah Jessica Parker has another critically acclaimed half-hour show on HBO, but this time she is exploring the end of relationships rather than the beginning. Divorce finished its first season on December 11, but is currently available to stream. Though fictional, I found many aspects of the series to be strikingly real. For example, Sarah Jessica Parker’s character Frances expresses the desire to have as peaceful a divorce as possible, opting to go through mediation instead of litigation. Frances’ husband Robert (played by Thomas Haden Church) initially agrees, but is soon swayed by a friend to skip mediation and hires a litigator instead, leaving Frances at the mediator’s office by herself for the first session.

Click here to read Andrea Vacca's full article...

How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
 How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} The scenarios Steve Kobrin outlined in Part 1 of this series are something to which most married couples don’t give much thought until the time is upon them to make the decision. At that time, it may be too late to make the choice they would prefer. If they were to take Option #1 (and who wouldn’t want that – you receive the maximum amount the plan would pay out on a monthly basis), the participant is probably at an age where it is unlikely they could obtain a substantial and affordable life insurance policy to cover the difference, were they to die once in payout status. Therefore, they may likely opt for Option #2.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...