Category: MEDIATION

What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 1
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
 What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 1 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:12 minutes to read}  I recently received an email from a former client of mine who reached out to me asking the following question: “I was wondering if you could publish some articles about couples without children who would use mediation. I haven’t seen a lot of articles on mediation sites regarding couples without children who are looking to divorce. I have had several friends who don’t have children or have children that are grownups and no child support would be necessary should they divorce.”

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

Blame – Divorce’s Unfriendly Bedfellow Uncovered
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Blame – Divorce’s Unfriendly Bedfellow Uncovered | Rachel Alexander

{5:06 minutes to read} Let’s lift the blind on blame. If blame had a whistle blower, what would he say?

BLAME – What is it really about? I get aggravated when a news story breaks and the first minutes concern themselves with who is to blame rather than what happened and what’s being done in response.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

Mediation and the Japanese Art of Kintsugi
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Mediation and the Japanese Art of Kintsugi | Susan Ingram

{2:30 minutes to read}  Kintsugi is a centuries-old Japanese master craft for repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold. If you’ve ever been to a museum exhibit of old Japanese ceramics, you may have noticed the patterns of gold veins that run through some of the pieces. These pieces had been broken at some point, and the gold clearly shows where the repairs had been made as the master craftsman put the piece back together again.

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Vacation? I Just Took a Trip Down Memory Lane!
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 Vacation? I Just Took a Trip Down Memory Lane! | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} August is a big vacation month. The arc of the summer is waning; summer camp is ending. The kids are getting ready to go back to college, and the “back to school” commercials are blasting us already — rushing us to September. It’s a kind of a “now or never” chance to take that vacation/stay-cation, relax, and take a deep breath before autumn’s call to “back to everything….” begins.

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Happy to Announce…
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Happy to Announce…  |  Rachel Alexander

{3:12 minutes to read} I am pleased to announce that on June 22, 2017, I became of counsel to the firm Gruber, Colabella, Liuzza and Thompson. This is the culmination of a long relationship with the first named partners, Mark Gruber, Esq. and Chris Colabella, Esq., who have been my go-to people since I began in the field almost ten years ago.

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How is Mediation Like Solving a Puzzle?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
How is Mediation Like Solving a Puzzle? | Susan Ingram

{2:52 minutes to read} When I’m first meeting with couples in divorce mediation, I find most people have little knowledge as to how mediation actually works. The metaphor of putting together a jigsaw puzzle, an activity most people are familiar with, is very helpful in illustrating the process. Mediation typically takes much less time than litigating a divorce – often a matter of months as opposed to a year or more with a contested divorce. But that doesn’t mean mediators “cut corners” as we move through the process with our clients.

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How is Mediation Like a Jigsaw Puzzle or Launching a Ship?
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How is Mediation Like a Jigsaw Puzzle or Launching a Ship? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} During my initial consultation, when I meet a couple for the first time, I think it’s important to put some context to the mediation process before they decide whether mediation is appropriate for them. So in addition to describing the process, distinguishing mediation from litigation and laying out the general topics and issues we will be working on together, I often offer two analogies to illustrate a way of thinking about how we will be accomplishing our goals.

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They Came to Liberate, Not To Conquer
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They Came to Liberate, Not To Conquer | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} You will likely be reading this after the July 4th holiday, but I wrote it right after the Memorial Day weekend. There is a synergy about the timing. During the Memorial Day weekend this year, as every year, there were lots and lots of movies and documentaries on TV extolling the virtues, triumphs, and tragedies of the wars that were fought to defend our and our allies’ freedoms throughout our history.

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How Do I Tell My Spouse I Want a Divorce?
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 How Do I Tell My Spouse I Want a Divorce? | Susan Ingram

{4:24 minutes to read} Not infrequently, when someone first calls me to discuss the possibility of divorce mediation, they will mention that they have not yet brought up the subject with their spouse. The caller (the initiating spouse) typically describes a marriage that has not been good for some time; the marriage no longer works for him or her and it needs to come to an end.

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All Quiet On The Western Front?
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All Quiet On The Western Front? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} The World War I masterpiece All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque was not required reading when I was in high school. I was intrigued to tackle it recently as a result of a reference in another novel I recently finished. Oh my. I have not been able to shake its profound impact on me since reading it over a month ago.

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“Someday” and “Maybe” Numbers: The Challenge of Dividing Retirement Assets – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Asset Management, Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
“Someday” and “Maybe” Numbers: The Challenge of Dividing Retirement Assets – Part 2 by Rachel Alexander

{4:00 minutes to read} Just because we determine a value for something does not mean we divide it!Often spouses are concerned that the mere mention of an asset puts it on the auction block and forfeits their exclusive rights to it. Not so!

Getting a comprehensive picture and value of ALL assets is an important part of creating a solid settlement agreement. An agreement should even specify assets whose separate nature is undisputed, with the other party waiving any rights, title or interest thereto.

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Mediation Helps Couples Successfully Untangle Their Lives
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Mediation Helps Couples Successfully Untangle Their Lives | Susan Ingram

{1:42 minutes to read}

“Never cut what you can untie.”

Joseph Joubert, French essayist

This aphorism came to my attention recently when one of my colleagues was giving a presentation at our annual conference for the NYS Council on Divorce Mediation. I was immediately struck by the wisdom contained in its 6 simple words. I’m sure the writer wasn’t thinking of mediation when he wrote these words (he lived in the mid 18th through early 19th centuries), yet I find that it fits perfectly with the concept and process of my work as a mediator.

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What Are Five Lessons from the First 100 (+/-) Days?
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What Are Five Lessons from the First 100 (+/-) Days? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} Without getting into politics—and I know it’s difficult not to these days—the purpose of my article is to see the macrocosm of our current governmental divisions and compare it to the microcosm of the negotiations that couples engage in when mediating. In watching the continued stalemates in Washington unfold, I was inspired to share some thoughts that have held my clients in good stead during their mediations—with some coaching from their mediator, of course! Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

Mediating Family Business Disputes
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Authored by , re: Business Law, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
Mediating Family Business Disputes | Gary Shaffer

{3:42 minutes to read} In my previous blog post on this topic, I described some of the general issues that arise during a mediation involving an intra-family commercial dispute. These included:

  • Resentments built up slowly over time;
  • Allies and enemies;
  • Divergent recollections; and
  • Emerging “alternate truths.”
The first reported case involving these kinds of matters goes back a long way. It’s found in the book of Genesis, in the paradigmatic dysfunctional family story of Isaac, Rebecca, Jacob, and Esau.

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David’s Divorce Dictionary: Hamilton
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David’s Divorce Dictionary: Hamilton | David Kellem

David’s Divorce Dictionary: H is for Hamilton Definition: a smash hit Broadway show that proves fighting for emotional justice is most often a fool’s errand. Hamilton: I’m not throwing away my shot. No! I’m not throwing away my shot! Kellem: Your best shot at a livable divorce outcome is by negotiation and settlement. Hamilton: But I have been insulted and my legacy tarnished! Kellem: You can go to New Jersey to duel with Burr. But someone is going to get hurt badly and    permanently. Probably both of you. Chorus: So Kellem, please tell ‘em – what’s Ham’s best shot in his divorce? Kellem: Mediation, Collaboration, Negotiation, Arbitration! Chorus: Explanation?

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What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector?
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What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:06 minutes to read} No matter which spouse wants out of the marriage, there invariably comes a time when there may be some second guessing. This is not to say that there is going to be a reconciliation, but the fact of the matter is that, as with all big decisions, the actual reality may not be as clean and clear as it was when we originally conceived it.Case in point: I worked with a couple where the wife was definitely the initiator of the separation. I’m pretty sure that she already had a significant other in her life when they came to see me. The husband looked like someone had shot him out of a cannon. He was despondent and morose and seemed lost to the point of despair.

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Can a Mediator be Omnipartial?
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Can a Mediator be Omnipartial? | Susan Ingram

{1:00 minute to read} I explained in my last article that I would be reposting two earlier blogs on the subject of mediator impartiality, since this topic is of great interest to clients and professionals alike. The second blog was entitled “Can Mediators be Impartial and Address an Imbalance of Power?I describe my role of mediator as being omnipartial toward all of the parties.

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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4
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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} In the preceding 3 articles, we have covered the subjects of retirement funding, comparing 401(k)s and IRAs, and dividing a 401(k) plan. As you will see, IRA plans almost never require a QDRO. However, many of them do have detailed paperwork which can look similar in scope to the language in a QDRO document. Typically, the plan will want to see a copy of the section of the Settlement Agreement (Separation Agreement) that spells out how the parties agreed to split the IRA along with their paperwork. It’s always wise to prepare the paperwork well in advance of the judgement of divorce as there can be a lag time with the paperwork.

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When Moving On is More Important Than Discerning the Truth
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When Moving On is More Important Than Discerning the Truth | Clare Piro

{3:48 minutes to read} While the history of a client’s relationship is obviously relevant to them, its relevance to the mediation is not necessarily the same. If there is a dispute as to whether or not an event occurred, my role is not to determine the truth. That would be in the realm of litigation. In mediation, its relevance has to do with the effect that those beliefs about past events have on each party’s ability to work with the other in the process and reach a resolution.

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Mediator Impartiality: Is It Possible?
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Mediator Impartiality: Is It Possible? | Susan Ingram

{3:24 minutes to read}  Two of the most frequently read articles I’ve posted on my blog have addressed the subject of mediator impartiality or neutrality. While both articles were published nearly three years ago, this subject is as relevant and important today as it was then. And after re-reading these articles, I don’t think I could say it any better now. So, without further ado, here’s a link to the first article entitled “Can a Mediator Really be Neutral or Impartial”?

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Look Who is Coming to the Mediation Table
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, on .
Look Who is Coming to the Mediation Table by Rachel Alexander

{4:54 minutes to read} What happens when attorneys join clients in matrimonial mediation? It’s anyone’s guess!

Generally, in my practice, divorce mediations are intimate, including only the parties and the mediator. This often adds to the sense of confidentiality and privacy. It works well for many clients who want to speak candidly about difficult issues in a safe, unbiased environment.

Click here to read Rachel Alexander's full article...

Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
 Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 and Part 2 of BJ Mann’s article on retirement plans and divorce, we talked about retirement funds in general and the differences between 401(k)s and IRAs. Now to the topic of dividing the plans. No matter how these plans are divided (equally or some other sharing arrangement), the math must be done first.

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family dispute? ask a question
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family dispute? ask a question | Jennifer Safian

{1:36 minutes to read} With our aging population and the growth of multi-generation families, the need for family mediation is increasing as conflicts arise. These conflicts come in all shapes and sizes:

  • Disputes between siblings over the care of aging parents
  • Squabbles regarding distribution of assets in inheritances
  • Disagreements regarding the sharing of family vacation homes
  • Resentments of elder parents feeling that they don’t get the attention they need from their children
  • Money disputes
And many others. Click here to read Jennifer Safian's full article...