Category: MEDIATION

Getting Through vs. Getting Over: Why Mediation Is Your Best Bet
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Getting Through vs. Getting Over: Why Mediation Is Your Best Bet | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} First – let me wish you a happy, healthy, peaceful and prosperous New Year! For those of you beginning the New Year with a personal event that has you stymied and upset (a pending separation, perhaps?), I’d like to offer a perspective to consider. It’s the concept of getting through something rather than getting over it. When we find ourselves in a situation that we would rather not be in, a typical reaction is to hope for the best (and good luck with that!) and just get over it. If only it were that easy.

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“AND” – One Little Word that Can Make a Big Difference
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“AND” – One Little Word that Can Make a Big Difference | Susan Ingram

I’m going to share with you a simple tip that can significantly change the focus of your conversations and make them more productive. It has to do with the word “and.” By consciously choosing when and how you include “and” in your conversations, you can go from frustrating exchanges that don’t get anywhere to discussions that explore options and come up with viable solutions.

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Tips for Keeping the Kids out of the Conflict
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Tips for Keeping the Kids out of the Conflict | Joy Rosenthal

"Why can’t my real mom and my foster mom get along?” Lakeisha asked, looking up at me. “Why can’t we all live together in a house so I can play with them both? When I’m with my foster mom I miss my real mom and want to go home. But then when I’m with my real mom I worry about my foster mom and wonder if she’s ok.” I was the lawyer for children in foster care for about 10 years, and this was typical of the questions I got from my young clients. It was a hard question to answer in any way that made sense to a child like Lakeisha. Many of the concerns held by children of divorce are much the same.

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New Year’s Resolutions for a Good Divorce and a Good Life
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New Year's Resolutions for a Good Divorce and a Good Life | Eileen Coen

If you’re going through a divorce, the holiday season can be dreadful. It’s hard to celebrate when it feels like the world you once knew has tilted or spun out of control. There’s no question that your life is about to change in a big way. But there is a new year on the horizon! It’s a natural time to turn the page…and take steps to set your world right. So here are some ideas to inform your New Year’s resolutions for 2018.

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Chinese Insights on the Art of Listening
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Chinese Insights on the Art of Listening | Susan Ingram

{3:24 minutes to read}  During the holidays especially, we all seem to be doing more while at the same time finding less time and patience to accomplish what needs to be done. Our interactions and conversations with family, friends and others can end up being strained and less productive than usual. So I thought this was a good opportunity to re-introduce some concepts I’ve written about before on the subject of Active Listening.

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Pathology Pointing: Why it Doesn’t Work in Divorce
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, on .

What is the difference between Pollyannaism and a Balanced Realism Approach? {4:36 minutes to read} Pathology Pointing Our western medical model is pathology-based; our biology is organized around identifying problems. Evolutionarily, problems = danger. But could there be usefulness to hanging out in what is working? This takes a kind of courage — perhaps to overcome some fear that issues will get bigger or take over if you don’t keep watch over them. Who will do the worrying if I take a nap?

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How Long Does Mediation Take?
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How Long Does Mediation Take? | Susan Ingram

{3:18 minutes to read} When I first meet with my clients, they often ask me how long the divorce mediation process will take. My answer is: it depends. In reality, it depends on any number of different factors, such as:

  • How complex their issues are;
  • Whether they have children or not;
  • Whether they’re both “on the same page” as to the end of their relationship; and/or
  • Whether they’re waiting for certain events to occur (such as the sale of a home) before finalizing their arrangements.

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Ungrateful and Pissed Off? A Curmudgeon’s Survival Guide for Thanksgiving
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, Wellness, on .
Ungrateful and Pissed Off? A Curmudgeon’s Survival Guide for Thanksgiving | Rachel Alexander

{6:00 minutes to read} Don’t look now, but here comes Thanksgiving! When you are already in survival mode, a holiday can add insult to injury. If you are bracing for the holidays as a newly divorced family, maybe spending your first Thanksgiving without your kids or extended family, “celebrating” anything can seem absurd. Forced festivities can increase the sense of what’s missing and highlight not only what you are not grateful for, but what you’re actually pretty pissed off about.

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What is the Difference Between Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting?
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What is the Difference Between Co-Parenting and Parallel Parenting? | Susan Ingram

{3:12 minutes to read} There are two basic concepts that describe the way in which parents raise their children following a divorce. These approaches are significantly different, and in fact, are at opposite ends of the parenting spectrum. One approach is referred to as Cooperative Parenting and the other as Parallel Parenting.

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Why Schedule a Mediation Consultation?
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Why Schedule a Mediation Consultation? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:30 minutes to read}  There is no doubt that mediation is a lot less costly than litigation in every way – financially, emotionally and time-wise. The three main reasons people choose mediation are:

  1. They want to do things as amicably as possible;
  2. They want to do what is in the best interest of their children; and
  3. They want to save money.

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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 4
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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 4 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} In the 3 previous parts of this series, we’ve identified 4 categories of divorcing couples without children (Part 1), covered couples married 1-3 years (Part 2), and couples married 3-10 years (Part 3). In Part 4, I am combining categories 3 & 4, as they have a tendency to overlap. Married for 10+ years with no children I would say at the outset that marriages over 10 years generally have a huge emotional component to them in addition to a more complex financial investment.

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What are the Foundational Requirements for Mediation?
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 What are the Foundational Requirements for Mediation? | Susan Ingram

{2:48 minutes to read} When you take it down to the bare bones, there are really only two essential elements that must be present in order for a mediation to be viable and ultimately productive: Willingness to Dialogue and Full Disclosure. Willingness to Dialogue First, there needs to be a basic willingness to come together and talk to each other.

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5 Key Elements of the Mediation Process
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5 Key Elements of the Mediation Process | Susan Ingram

{2:48 minutes to read} There are two principal aspects to the role a mediator plays when helping couples going through divorce mediation. One has to do with the process and the other has to do with the substance.

Process relates to the framework and ground rules that are established by the mediator so that the necessary conversations can take place and move along, ultimately to resolution.

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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 3
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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 3 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} Part 2 of this series was concerned with couples who have only been married for 1-3 years. In this part, we look at lengthier marriages, lasting 3-10 years. Married for 3-10 years: You may think that these couples are similar to couples who have been married for a short time but that is not generally the case.

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Mindfulness and “Self-in-Presence”: A Tool for Divorce Mediation?
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Authored by , re: MEDIATION, Miscellaneous, Wellness, on .
Mindfulness and “Self-in-Presence”: A Tool for Divorce Mediation? | Rachel Alexander

{5:18 minutes to read} How do we get present? Last time we looked at the importance of mindfulness and getting present, so how do we do it? Practice, practice, practice!  And, softly, softly, softly. One suggestion: set an alarm on your smartphone to sound a gentle tone several times during the day.  When you hear it, simply bring your awareness back to yourself and your body, perhaps offering yourself the gentle prompt: “How am I right now? How am I feeling just now? Where is that located in my body?”.....

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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:24 minutes to read} In the next few articles, we will be exploring the different issues in a mediation between couples who do not have children and those who do. In the first article of this series, I parsed out the 4 general categories that these couples may fall into. In the next few articles. I’ll reiterate those categories and expand on each.

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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 1
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
 What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 1 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:12 minutes to read}  I recently received an email from a former client of mine who reached out to me asking the following question: “I was wondering if you could publish some articles about couples without children who would use mediation. I haven’t seen a lot of articles on mediation sites regarding couples without children who are looking to divorce. I have had several friends who don’t have children or have children that are grownups and no child support would be necessary should they divorce.”

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Blame – Divorce’s Unfriendly Bedfellow Uncovered
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Blame – Divorce’s Unfriendly Bedfellow Uncovered | Rachel Alexander

{5:06 minutes to read} Let’s lift the blind on blame. If blame had a whistle blower, what would he say?

BLAME – What is it really about? I get aggravated when a news story breaks and the first minutes concern themselves with who is to blame rather than what happened and what’s being done in response.

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Mediation and the Japanese Art of Kintsugi
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Mediation and the Japanese Art of Kintsugi | Susan Ingram

{2:30 minutes to read}  Kintsugi is a centuries-old Japanese master craft for repairing broken pottery with lacquer mixed with powdered gold. If you’ve ever been to a museum exhibit of old Japanese ceramics, you may have noticed the patterns of gold veins that run through some of the pieces. These pieces had been broken at some point, and the gold clearly shows where the repairs had been made as the master craftsman put the piece back together again.

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Vacation? I Just Took a Trip Down Memory Lane!
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 Vacation? I Just Took a Trip Down Memory Lane! | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} August is a big vacation month. The arc of the summer is waning; summer camp is ending. The kids are getting ready to go back to college, and the “back to school” commercials are blasting us already — rushing us to September. It’s a kind of a “now or never” chance to take that vacation/stay-cation, relax, and take a deep breath before autumn’s call to “back to everything….” begins.

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Happy to Announce…
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Happy to Announce…  |  Rachel Alexander

{3:12 minutes to read} I am pleased to announce that on June 22, 2017, I became of counsel to the firm Gruber, Colabella, Liuzza and Thompson. This is the culmination of a long relationship with the first named partners, Mark Gruber, Esq. and Chris Colabella, Esq., who have been my go-to people since I began in the field almost ten years ago.

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How is Mediation Like Solving a Puzzle?
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How is Mediation Like Solving a Puzzle? | Susan Ingram

{2:52 minutes to read} When I’m first meeting with couples in divorce mediation, I find most people have little knowledge as to how mediation actually works. The metaphor of putting together a jigsaw puzzle, an activity most people are familiar with, is very helpful in illustrating the process. Mediation typically takes much less time than litigating a divorce – often a matter of months as opposed to a year or more with a contested divorce. But that doesn’t mean mediators “cut corners” as we move through the process with our clients.

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