Category: Family & Divorce

what happens to assets accumulated after separation?
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
what happens to assets accumulated after separation? | Jennifer Safian

{2:42 minutes to read} Bob and Jean were married for twelve years, but had been living separately, with no formal separation agreement, for the last 5 years. They came to mediation to work out the terms of their divorce. The big question that came up for them was, “What happens to the money accumulated since their separation? Is it marital property or is it separate property?”

Click here to read Jennifer Safian's full article...

Agreeing to Agree
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
Agreeing to Agree | Clare Piro

{4:00 minutes to read} I often caution clients against including language in their agreement which is basically just an agreement to agree: anything that begins with “The parties will agree upon...” or “The parties agree to review...” But it depends on the issue and on the couple. Sometimes it makes sense not to spend an enormous amount of time either on something that is not all that contentious or something not likely to happen. Other times, though, leaving big decisions for the future is just putting off an inevitable conflict that should be addressed now. Here are some examples of terms that may or may not need to be spelled out completely, depending on the term and the couple.

Click here to read Clare Piro's full article...

What to Expect at Our Divorce Consultation
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
What to Expect at Our Divorce Consultation | Deborah E. Kaminetzky

Many potential clients come to us when they are in the planning stage of a divorce. No one has served any papers, sometimes they are not even sure they want to file for divorce, they are just thinking about it. When we have a consultation for a divorce, we ask that the potential client come prepared with a lot of documents.

Click here to read Deborah E. Kaminetzky's full article...

How Is Mediation Different From Therapy?
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MENTAL HEALTH, Therapy, on .
How Is Mediation Different From Therapy? | Susan Ingram

{3:24 minutes to read} Both mediators and therapists play important roles in helping couples who are experiencing difficulties in their marriage. When couples come to me for divorce mediation, I find that at least half of them have spent time, recently or in the past, working together with a therapist to try to save their marriage. I certainly view this as a positive sign. At least the couple has tried to work through the issues in their marriage, even if it didn’t ultimately work out.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

Elder Care Mediation
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Elder Care Mediation | Bob Bordett

I recently attended a conference for The Academy of Professional Family Mediators in Memphis, Tennessee. One of the workshops I participated in was on elder care mediation, which gave some fascinating insights. A 2001 study, done by Debra B. Gentry, showed nearly 40% of adult children providing care for their parents reported serious conflict with siblings, usually related to a lack of sufficient help from those siblings. This study was part of an article entitled Resolving Middle Age Sibling Conflict Regarding Parent Care.

Click here to read Robert Bordett's full article...   

David’s Divorce Dictionary: Hamilton
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, MEDIATION, on .
David’s Divorce Dictionary: Hamilton | David Kellem

David’s Divorce Dictionary: H is for Hamilton Definition: a smash hit Broadway show that proves fighting for emotional justice is most often a fool’s errand. Hamilton: I’m not throwing away my shot. No! I’m not throwing away my shot! Kellem: Your best shot at a livable divorce outcome is by negotiation and settlement. Hamilton: But I have been insulted and my legacy tarnished! Kellem: You can go to New Jersey to duel with Burr. But someone is going to get hurt badly and    permanently. Probably both of you. Chorus: So Kellem, please tell ‘em – what’s Ham’s best shot in his divorce? Kellem: Mediation, Collaboration, Negotiation, Arbitration! Chorus: Explanation?

Click here to read David Kellem's full article...

What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector?
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:06 minutes to read} No matter which spouse wants out of the marriage, there invariably comes a time when there may be some second guessing. This is not to say that there is going to be a reconciliation, but the fact of the matter is that, as with all big decisions, the actual reality may not be as clean and clear as it was when we originally conceived it.Case in point: I worked with a couple where the wife was definitely the initiator of the separation. I’m pretty sure that she already had a significant other in her life when they came to see me. The husband looked like someone had shot him out of a cannon. He was despondent and morose and seemed lost to the point of despair.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

perception and reality in divorce mediation
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
perception and reality in divorce mediation | Jennifer Safuan

{3:06 minutes to read} I met with Jayne* and Will* for a consultation to explain the mediation process and give them the opportunity to ask questions before actually committing to this process. Jayne immediately said that she and Will disagreed on absolutely everything! Will piped up with “I disagree with that!” This was obviously an indication of the difficulties I would encounter with their case.

Click here to read Jennifer Safian's full article...

Court Is Like a Box of Chocolates…
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
Court Is Like a Box of Chocolates… | Deborah E. Kaminetzky

What is an “attorney for the child” and what does it mean for my case? Often when parents who are divorcing are already in court and do not agree on custody, the court will assign an “attorney for the child.” This is an attorney who will interview both parents and the child or children. The attorney for the child will ask the child what their position is and if the child is seven years of age or older, they will advocate that child’s position to the court.

Click here to read Deborah E. Kaminetzky's full article...

Disclosure is Not Optional
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
Disclosure is Not Optional | Clare Piro

{3:36 minutes to read} I recently attended a panel discussion on how to determine income in a matrimonial mediation. The panel consisted of a litigator, a mediator and a financial professional. The idea was to show the different approaches each would take in cases where income was hard to determine, such as self-employed parties, cash income, other complicated financial situations, or when a party just refuses to disclose relevant information. That got me to thinking about disclosure in general and how it can evolve in mediation.

Click here to read Clare Piro's full article...

Can a Mediator be Omnipartial?
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Can a Mediator be Omnipartial? | Susan Ingram

{1:00 minute to read} I explained in my last article that I would be reposting two earlier blogs on the subject of mediator impartiality, since this topic is of great interest to clients and professionals alike. The second blog was entitled “Can Mediators be Impartial and Address an Imbalance of Power?I describe my role of mediator as being omnipartial toward all of the parties.

Click here to read Susan Ingram's full article...

What Do You Mean I’m Not Really Married? Or Not Really Divorced?
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
What Do You Mean I’m Not Really Married? Or Not Really Divorced? | Deborah E. Kaminetzky

When people call our office asking about divorce or family court issues, we tell them the various documents we need to look at in order to best advise them. One of the documents we want to look at is their marriage certificate. Often, we have people who consider themselves married, have lived together for years, had children together, bought property together and they are surprised that they are not, in fact, married. New York has no “common law marriage.” There is an exception to that rule. New York will give full faith and credit to a marriage from another state or country where it was recognized. For example if you lived together in a state which did recognize common law marriage prior to moving to New York, you will be considered married here as well. People who get married in a religious ceremony in another country, Israel, for example, will be considered married here even though they did not have a secular marriage.

Click here to read Deborah E. Kaminetzky's full article...

Help! Is My Attorney in Bed With My Ex’s Attorney?!
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Help! Is My Attorney in Bed With My Ex’s Attorney?! | Cheryl Stein

On several occasions, I have been the incoming attorney where the client did not trust the attorney they initially retained, because they felt that attorney was in bed with their ex’s attorney, so to speak. They had observed the two attorneys — opposing counsel to one another on the given case — engage in overly friendly behavior and banter in the court hallways and overheard their attorney cutting deals and verbally committing to settlement agreements to the opposing counsel that they had not spoken about with them (their own client) previously.

Click here to read Cheryl Stein's full article...

Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} In the preceding 3 articles, we have covered the subjects of retirement funding, comparing 401(k)s and IRAs, and dividing a 401(k) plan. As you will see, IRA plans almost never require a QDRO. However, many of them do have detailed paperwork which can look similar in scope to the language in a QDRO document. Typically, the plan will want to see a copy of the section of the Settlement Agreement (Separation Agreement) that spells out how the parties agreed to split the IRA along with their paperwork. It’s always wise to prepare the paperwork well in advance of the judgement of divorce as there can be a lag time with the paperwork.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

the greek chorus revisited
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
the greek chorus revisited | Jennifer Safian

{3:06 minutes to read} A few years ago, I wrote an article called “The Greek Chorus.” The article centered around all the well meaning people who think they know what you are going through and want to dispense advice on your situation. The effects of “friendly advice” continue to be a problem with many of my clients, so I thought that it might be helpful to take another look at this topic. Divorce is a very scary proposition, and when we are scared, many of us tend to gravitate towards others for answers and support.

Click here to read Jennifer Safian's full article...

Continuing Education for Mediation
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
Continuing Education for Mediation | Deborah E. Kaminetzky

Mediation is gaining in popularity, so much so that there are a proliferation of people advertising that they do mediation. Some of them are attorneys, some of them are not. Many of them have had absolutely no training in mediation, yet will sit down with a couple and “mediate.” New York has no licensure for mediators, so it is difficult for the consumer to determine whether a person claiming to be a mediator is actually trained in the process or just trying to help facilitate a compromise. One can even get a mediation certificate online.

Click here to read Deborah E. Kaminetzy's full article...

A Letter from China: International Collaboration with Mental Health and Divorce Professionals
avatar


Authored by , re: Family, Family & Divorce, on .
A Letter from China: International Collaboration with Mental Health and Divorce Professionals | Lauren Behrman

{Read in 3:30 minutes} Dear Colleagues: We’re sending this blog from Wuhan, China, where we are enjoying a few days of sightseeing and absorbing Chinese hospitality, history and culture from our wonderful colleagues and their graduate students.

Jeff is the current president of The Society for the Advancement of Psychotherapy,(SAP) Division 29 of the American Psychological Association (APA). The division has been working on increasing its international presence, and in 2016, SAP formalized an affiliation with Oriental Insight—a similar organization in China Normal University School of Psychology which was founded by Professor Jiang Guangrong, a leading psychologist at Central China. Professor Jiang is one of the leaders in the field of Counseling Psychotherapy and Mental Health on the Chinese mainland.

Click here to read Lauren Behrman's full article...

“Throuple”: A Case of Polyamorous Custody
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .

An interesting decision out of Suffolk County recently established custodial rights of a non-biological parent who was part of a polyamorous relationship. In Dawn M. v. Michael M., the court essentially affirmed the validity of a non-traditional family composed of two women and one man. Though their names have been revealed in the media, for our purposes we will call the family members Mom 1, Mom 2, Dad, and Child. Mom 1 and Dad were a married couple who had attempted to conceive with great difficulty. They utilized in vitro fertilization, but unfortunately Mom 1 miscarried.

Click here to read Andrea Vacca's full article...

Mediating a Divorce After a Long-Term Marriage
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Mediating a Divorce After a Long-Term Marriage | Don Sinkov

{2:30 minutes to read} I am often pleasantly surprised when couples who have been married for 20, 30, 40 years or more are able to come to mediation to be divorced. Sometimes I wonder whether I could have done that; whether I could sit next to my soon-to-be ex-spouse and say out loud, “I want to divorce you and move on with my life. I want to live alone and not be married to you anymore.” How incredibly difficult would that be in a private setting, but here we are, saying this in front of the mediator, a stranger whom we just met.

Click here to read Don Sinkov's full article...

Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
 Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 and Part 2 of BJ Mann’s article on retirement plans and divorce, we talked about retirement funds in general and the differences between 401(k)s and IRAs. Now to the topic of dividing the plans. No matter how these plans are divided (equally or some other sharing arrangement), the math must be done first.

Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

 

family dispute? ask a question
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
family dispute? ask a question | Jennifer Safian

{1:36 minutes to read} With our aging population and the growth of multi-generation families, the need for family mediation is increasing as conflicts arise. These conflicts come in all shapes and sizes:

  • Disputes between siblings over the care of aging parents
  • Squabbles regarding distribution of assets in inheritances
  • Disagreements regarding the sharing of family vacation homes
  • Resentments of elder parents feeling that they don’t get the attention they need from their children
  • Money disputes
And many others. Click here to read Jennifer Safian's full article...

Parallel Parenting: Making the Best of a Bad Situation
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Parallel Parenting: Making the Best of a Bad Situation | Bob Bordett

I very much appreciate working on divorce cases with a team, as it has so much value for clients. Mental health professionals can bring much needed clarity to very difficult situations. The following article, written by Howard Dructman, PhD and Marsha Schechtman, LCSW, Atlanta Behavioral Consultants, explains how the concept of parallel parenting works: A literature search of peer-reviewed professional journal articles yields very few articles that contain references to parallel parenting.

Click here to read Robert Bordett's full article...  

Consulting or Review Attorneys in Mediation – Part 1
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Consulting or Review Attorneys in Mediation – Part 1 | Katherine Miller

{6:00 minutes to read} It’s a really good idea for a divorcing couple in mediation to have a consulting or review attorney to act as a matrimonial medium.  What is the role of attorneys in a mediation? Sometimes parties believe that lawyers are a threat to the mediation process itself. In other mediations, it is assumed that lawyers are the main players. In commercial mediations, it is almost exclusively the case that lawyers are in the room and playing a big role.

Click here to read Katherine Miller's full article...

There Is a Person Behind Every Label: Watch Out for the Diagnosis Trap
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MENTAL HEALTH, Therapy, on .
There Is a Person Behind Every Label: Watch Out for the Diagnosis Trap | Jeff Zimmerman

{4 minutes to read} In any context, a mental health diagnosis is a serious, meaningful term that should not be taken lightly, and should only be made by a mental health professional who has personally assessed the client and is trained to diagnose the condition at hand. Although diagnoses are often casually offered colloquially as labels, careful assessment and expertise are truly required in order to make an official diagnosis.

Click here to read Jeff Zimmerman's full article...

Another Reason to Keep Your Custody Dispute Out of Court: It’s a Black Hole
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .

Kafkaesque: of, relating to, or suggestive of Franz Kafka or his writings; especially: having a nightmarishly complex, bizarre, or illogical quality, as in Kafkaesque bureaucratic delays. (Miriam-Webster online dictionary) As ProPublica recently revealed in detail, Kafka’s dystopian vision is a terrifying reality for many New Yorkers who have had judges appoint forensic psychologists in their custody dispute cases. In Joaquin Sapien’s thorough (and thoroughly disturbing) article, For New York Families in Custody Fights, a ‘Black Hole’ of Oversight, he reports on the story of a mother separated from her son as a result of an error-filled and incomplete analysis made by a court-appointed forensic psychologist.

Click here to read Andrea Vacca's full article...

The Power of a Sincere Apology
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
The Power of a Sincere Apology | Clare Piro

{3:24 minutes to read} I thought it was interesting that the Personal Health columnist for the New York Times, Dr. Jane Brody, wrote a column entitled “The Right Way to Say I’m Sorry.” She posits that taking responsibility for your actions and offering a true apology to someone you’ve hurt actually is a matter of your own health and well being. Dr. Brody refers to these words from Harriet Lerner’s Why Won’t You Apologize? as to why an apology can be “central to health, both physical and emotional.”

Click here to read Clare Piro's full article...

Intra-Family Commercial Mediation: Get Back At Or Get Back Together?
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, on .
Intra-Family Commercial Mediation: Get Back At Or Get Back Together? | Gary Shaffer

{2.54 minutes to read} All happy families may be alike, but all families with intra-family disputes involving money are unhappy in their own way. Resentments build up slowly over time, people develop allies and enemies, recollections diverge, and “alternate truths” emerge. Each family has its own unique set of alternate truths that must, at a minimum, be recognized for a mediation to be successful. The goal of an intra-family mediation is not to get family members to agree on a single truth. This may be emotionally impossible, and recollections can be fuzzy and subject to interpretation. Words can be stated in many different ways and with different intent. What was meant one way may have been taken in another. 5, 10, or 15 years later, the recordings are lost. And to some extent they may be irrelevant.

Click here to read Gary Shaffer's full article...

Have the Talk Before You Take the Walk
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, LAW RELATED ARTICLES, Trusts, Estates & Elder law, on .
Have the Talk Before You Take the Walk | Deborah E. Kaminetzy

Most couples get together based on attraction, discuss one or two main expectations or goals, fall in love and decide to get married. They then focus on wedding plans, thinking that if they can negotiate a large event between two families and come out unscathed by the wedding date that they will succeed in their marriage. So why do so many divorces occur?

Click here to read Deborah E. Kaminetzky's full article...

Like Donald Trump, Pay Your Fair Share of Taxes, but Don’t Overpay
avatar


Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Like Donald Trump, Pay Your Fair Share of Taxes, but Don’t Overpay | Don Sinkov

{2:24 minutes to read} As the years have gone on, I’ve been really working hard to make my mediation practice successful. Most of my clients are now coming from referrals, with a smaller percentage coming from internet advertising. My practice has grown steadily, and now it is time to do my 2016 tax return.

Click here to read Don Sinkov's full article...