Author Archives: Laura Bonarrigo

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About Laura Bonarrigo

Laura Bonarrigo is a Certified Divorce Coach in New York, NY.

EMAIL: laura@laurabonarrigo.com

BIO: About Laura

Dream Team
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Dream Team | Laura Bonarrigo

Remember when you were a kid and the world was laid out in front of you like a dreamy summer’s day? I recall spending hours on my family’s farm working in the garden or in the barn milking goats (yep, I can do that), daydreaming of singing on a Broadway stage and then conducting interviews about my amazing talents as an actor and singer and dancer. (News flash: just to set the record straight—I can’t dance, and though I can carry a tune, in NYC among real singers, I would be considered an amateur!) So back to daydreaming and what those dreams have to do with divorce.

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Going Back to School in 3 Easy Steps
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Going Back to School in 3 Easy Steps | Laura Bonarrigo

These are the days when we return to routines, rising early for the school bus, getting backpacks packed, making lunches and sending little ones off with their homework. There’s a comfort with this familiarity for those of us who grew up with some semblance of public or private education: friends, sports, school lunches, homework, crushes, activities, parental involvement; early to bed, early to rise. But for those of us experiencing loss—any loss, really, but in this case, loss of a marriage—going back to school can be really difficult.

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You Can Do War, or You Can Do Peace, But You Can’t Do Both at the Same Time
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
You Can Do War, or You Can Do Peace, But You Can’t Do Both at the Same Time | Laura Bonarrigo

You have to admire parents and couples who make it through a divorce without an enormous amount of animosity or financial ruin. I often wonder if they’re superhuman or something! They’re the ones who still have holidays together or cry when they sign their decrees. It’s heartwarming and makes me believe in hope and to have faith in relationships and mankind and all those higher values and aspirations.

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What Am I Teaching My Children by Getting a Divorce?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
What Am I Teaching My Children by Getting a Divorce? | Laura Bonarrigo

You’re teaching them about integrity, honor, respect, self-confidence and that we all have the right to a great life. You’re teaching them that abuse will not be tolerated, that agreements are kept, that the truth always comes out and that lying is something we all do but look down upon and definitely don’t need to accept. You’re teaching them how to stand on their own two feet; how to speak up and be seen; how to recreate a life.

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What Your Client Needs to Know: 4 Ways to Get Your Life Back
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
What Your Client Needs to Know: 4 Ways to Get Your Life Back | Laura Bonarrigo

1. They need to believe in you. It really doesn’t matter if you’re the most competent attorney or CDFA or mediator around. When your client pays you a ton of money and they’re sitting in your office, they’re filled with a myriad of feelings, stress hormones coursing through them and lots of narcissism, self-doubt, and doubt about you and your ability to fight for them. Confidence in the very people they’re hiring is rare, especially when the process takes a long time, the language is archaic, and they’ve never been in an adversarial position before. You, as their advocate, are up against a lot of prejudgment, bias, and fear.

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Ending Ceremonies: 5 MORE Things That Must End Before a New Beginning
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Ending Ceremonies: 5 MORE Things That Must End Before a New Beginning | Laura Bonarrigo

6. Permeable boundaries. Are you unable to stop others from treating you poorly? If you’ve suffered from permeable boundaries or are unable to take responsibility for yourself, then your divorce is going to be a huge growth spurt. This is when you get to try on a new you and go for speaking up, go for saying “no” and creating some integrity. It won’t be easy, and your ex might not like it. But this is the one time when you’re the decision maker, and being involved and forthright with the decisions needing to be made will make you stronger and more in control.

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Ending Ceremonies: 5 Things That Must End Before a New Beginning
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, PERSONAL ARTICLES, on .
Ending Ceremonies: 5 Things That Must End Before a New Beginning | Laura Bonarrigo

  1. You’ve got to end doing it with him/her. It’s really difficult to still be intimate with someone you’re dragging through a divorce because it makes the process super confusing. Even trying to be kind or peaceful or ugh, conscious, makes it tough. When we love we want intimacy, and divorce is the furthest thing from intimacy one can get. So that moment when you want to reach out and plant one on her or the moment of weakness when you think, ‘Oh why not, just a quickie,’ starts to feel really awkward and unkind and dirty once you find yourself back in mediation, or worse yet, the courtroom.

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How to Make It on Your Own, Especially Financially
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, FINANCIAL ARTICLES, Financial Planning & Insurance, on .
How to Make It on Your Own, Especially Financially | Laura Bonarrigo

My stepmom reminded me that during the process of divorcing, I was most fixated on how I was going to financially survive. It was the most pressing of concerns since I was a stay-at-home mom who hadn’t really earned an income while my children were young. I know this is incredibly common. It’s also first chakra safety and security issues. The distress can keep you up at night, it can be paralyzing, and the thought of returning to earning after being out of the job market in this (or any) economy is a blow to the ego, brings up all our insecurities, and makes us face the reality of age.

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I’m Not Sure I Could Spend the Rest of My Life Alone, If It Comes to That
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MENTAL HEALTH, on .
I’m Not Sure I Could Spend the Rest of My Life Alone, If It Comes to That | Laura Bonarrigo

I’m not going to lie; it’s not easy facing the future without a husband or a wife or a theoretical life-long partner. There are days when the loneliness is really difficult. For me, it verges on depression; I get this overall feeling that I really don’t want to do anything and I’m a person with a lot of things going on, so when I get like this, it’s the pits for me. You may have a different scenario going on, but when I’m low, I cry. I want coffee and I want to crawl back into bed once my kids walk out the door for school.

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What Will My Life Be Like Without Them in It Anymore?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .

Somewhere deep down inside, can you feel the excitement? The curiosity? The wonder? Where are you in your grief? If this separation is brand new, you’re probably still reeling and may not be feeling hope. (News flash: it takes a while to feel hope. Honestly.) But try this on for me: Excitement is the other side of a coin called fear. Do you see what I’m saying? We can call it fear or we can call it excitement! Either way, it’s right. I just offer excitement because I find it more empowering than fear any time!

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Will My Future Be as Good as When I Fantasize about It?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
Will My Future Be as Good as When I Fantasize about It? | Laura Bonarrigo

So, your future depends on how willing you are to do some personal growth and to figure out who you want to be (without your ex holding up that old mirror of judgment and support). Fantasies are the hope and trust we use to pull us out of bad situations or pull us out of pain. They’re hugely important with divorce! We hope the future will be better; we trust that we’re making the right decision.

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3 Benefits of a Divorce Coach
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, on .
3 Benefits of a Divorce Coach | Laura Bonarrigo

{6:00 minutes to read} So some people feel that a Divorce Coach is redundant and threatening to the other divorce professionals like attorneys or certified financial analysts or even therapists. Honestly, nothing could be further from the truth! Each professional has a role to play, and in my own experience going through a divorce, I utilized many of them. A Divorce Coach, in the way I’ve been trained and practice, helps clients manage their fears and the decisions that need to be made. And there are a lot of decisions to be made!

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