Author Archives: Ada L. Hasloecher

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About Ada L. Hasloecher

Ada Hasloecher is a Divorce Mediator & founder of Divorce and Family Mediation Center, LLC in Long Island, New York.
EMAIL: Ada@DFMCLI.com
BIO: About Ada
PHONE: 631-585-5210

What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 2
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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:24 minutes to read} In the next few articles, we will be exploring the different issues in a mediation between couples who do not have children and those who do. In the first article of this series, I parsed out the 4 general categories that these couples may fall into. In the next few articles. I’ll reiterate those categories and expand on each.

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What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 1
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 What About Us? Divorcing Couples Who Don’t Have Children – Part 1 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:12 minutes to read}  I recently received an email from a former client of mine who reached out to me asking the following question: “I was wondering if you could publish some articles about couples without children who would use mediation. I haven’t seen a lot of articles on mediation sites regarding couples without children who are looking to divorce. I have had several friends who don’t have children or have children that are grownups and no child support would be necessary should they divorce.”

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Vacation? I Just Took a Trip Down Memory Lane!
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 Vacation? I Just Took a Trip Down Memory Lane! | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} August is a big vacation month. The arc of the summer is waning; summer camp is ending. The kids are getting ready to go back to college, and the “back to school” commercials are blasting us already — rushing us to September. It’s a kind of a “now or never” chance to take that vacation/stay-cation, relax, and take a deep breath before autumn’s call to “back to everything….” begins.

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How is Mediation Like a Jigsaw Puzzle or Launching a Ship?
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How is Mediation Like a Jigsaw Puzzle or Launching a Ship? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} During my initial consultation, when I meet a couple for the first time, I think it’s important to put some context to the mediation process before they decide whether mediation is appropriate for them. So in addition to describing the process, distinguishing mediation from litigation and laying out the general topics and issues we will be working on together, I often offer two analogies to illustrate a way of thinking about how we will be accomplishing our goals.

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They Came to Liberate, Not To Conquer
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They Came to Liberate, Not To Conquer | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} You will likely be reading this after the July 4th holiday, but I wrote it right after the Memorial Day weekend. There is a synergy about the timing. During the Memorial Day weekend this year, as every year, there were lots and lots of movies and documentaries on TV extolling the virtues, triumphs, and tragedies of the wars that were fought to defend our and our allies’ freedoms throughout our history.

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All Quiet On The Western Front?
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All Quiet On The Western Front? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} The World War I masterpiece All Quiet on the Western Front by Erich Maria Remarque was not required reading when I was in high school. I was intrigued to tackle it recently as a result of a reference in another novel I recently finished. Oh my. I have not been able to shake its profound impact on me since reading it over a month ago.

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What Are Five Lessons from the First 100 (+/-) Days?
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What Are Five Lessons from the First 100 (+/-) Days? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} Without getting into politics—and I know it’s difficult not to these days—the purpose of my article is to see the macrocosm of our current governmental divisions and compare it to the microcosm of the negotiations that couples engage in when mediating. In watching the continued stalemates in Washington unfold, I was inspired to share some thoughts that have held my clients in good stead during their mediations—with some coaching from their mediator, of course! Click here to read Ada Hasloecher's full article...

What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector?
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What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:06 minutes to read} No matter which spouse wants out of the marriage, there invariably comes a time when there may be some second guessing. This is not to say that there is going to be a reconciliation, but the fact of the matter is that, as with all big decisions, the actual reality may not be as clean and clear as it was when we originally conceived it.Case in point: I worked with a couple where the wife was definitely the initiator of the separation. I’m pretty sure that she already had a significant other in her life when they came to see me. The husband looked like someone had shot him out of a cannon. He was despondent and morose and seemed lost to the point of despair.

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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4
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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} In the preceding 3 articles, we have covered the subjects of retirement funding, comparing 401(k)s and IRAs, and dividing a 401(k) plan. As you will see, IRA plans almost never require a QDRO. However, many of them do have detailed paperwork which can look similar in scope to the language in a QDRO document. Typically, the plan will want to see a copy of the section of the Settlement Agreement (Separation Agreement) that spells out how the parties agreed to split the IRA along with their paperwork. It’s always wise to prepare the paperwork well in advance of the judgement of divorce as there can be a lag time with the paperwork.

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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3
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 Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 and Part 2 of BJ Mann’s article on retirement plans and divorce, we talked about retirement funds in general and the differences between 401(k)s and IRAs. Now to the topic of dividing the plans. No matter how these plans are divided (equally or some other sharing arrangement), the math must be done first.

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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 2
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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 of this series, BJ Mann reviewed the three main types of retirement funding. In Part 2, we move on to the important details for the mainstay of the typical retirement plans: 401(k)s (and their sisters) and IRAs in all their permutations. These do not address pensions, which will be discussed in a future post. Of particular interest is the difference between qualified and non-qualified plans, which require different sets of instructions for dividing.

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Divorce and 401Ks and IRAs
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, FINANCIAL ARTICLES, Financial Planning & Insurance, on .
 Divorce and 401Ks and IRAs | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} My colleague and fellow mediator, BJ Mann, who practices in Rochester, NY, has written as comprehensive, cogent and concise a primer on the basics of retirement plans for divorcing couples as I have ever read. She graciously allowed me to post it on my site for you, dear reader. After all, why reinvent the wheel? I’ve broken it down into 4 posts for easier digestion.

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Culling Down To The Essentials
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  Culling Down To The Essentials | Ada Hasloecher

{3:36 minutes to read} Recently a very, very close friend of our family passed away. She was my mother’s oldest and dearest friend. She was family. Her health had been deteriorating of late, but her death came as quite a shock to those of us who knew and loved her. We all called her “Darling,” because that’s what she called everyone, AND she looked like Ava and Zsa Zsa Gabor and Ivana Trump all rolled into one.

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How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 2
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 How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} The scenarios Steve Kobrin outlined in Part 1 of this series are something to which most married couples don’t give much thought until the time is upon them to make the decision. At that time, it may be too late to make the choice they would prefer. If they were to take Option #1 (and who wouldn’t want that – you receive the maximum amount the plan would pay out on a monthly basis), the participant is probably at an age where it is unlikely they could obtain a substantial and affordable life insurance policy to cover the difference, were they to die once in payout status. Therefore, they may likely opt for Option #2.

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How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 1
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How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 1 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} Life Insurance and how it relates to retirement plans is not something most couples give much thought to. The following articles, which I collaborated on with Steven H. Kobrin, a life insurance specialist, provide some insight and things to consider. Life insurance can play a pivotal role in retirement planning.

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A Wife’s Fervent Plea for Mediation
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A Wife’s Fervent Plea for Mediation | Ada Hasloecher

{4:42 minutes to read} Every once in awhile, a client will send me something that goes right to the heart of mediation. I’m working with a couple who have been back and forth with threats to stop and go the lawyer route – even though they both know it is not in their best interest to do so. After a rather torrid session, the wife wrote a letter to the husband, and she agreed to let me share it with you. Of course I changed their names and anything very personal to them. If this isn’t a plea for sanity, I don’t know what is.

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Sick of the Election? This is What Your Kids Feel Like.
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Sick of the Election? This is What Your Kids Feel Like. | Ada Hasloecher

{3:42 minutes to read} I have written this blog prior to, and you will be receiving it when we are on the other side of, the 2016 presidential election. So how are you feeling? Exhausted? Spent? Disgusted? Pretty bad, huh? And it ain’t over even when it should be over. There are promises that the feuds are just beginning no matter who “wins.”

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A Friend and Colleague’s Thoughts on Maintenance
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A Friend and Colleague’s Thoughts on Maintenance | Ada Hasloecher

My friend and mediation colleague, Clare Piro, wrote an excellent blog article on “Maintenance” this month. She perfectly articulated the issues and options available to our clients when we discuss the whole concept of maintenance. I asked her if I can post it on my site to share with my readers, and she graciously allowed me to do so.

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Who Is Frida Kahlo and How Did She Influence My Mediation?
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Who Is Frida Kahlo and How Did She Influence My Mediation? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:24 minutes to read} Frida Kahlo de Rivera was a prolific Mexican artist, political activist and fascinating character. She was born in 1907 and died in 1954. After suffering a debilitating injury in a bus accident as a young girl, she was bed-bound for years. In order to cheer her up, her father bought her an easel and paints, and thus began her life’s work.

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In Memoriam: Sydell S. Sloan – A Divorce & Family Mediation Pioneer
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{4:36 minutes to read} Our mediation community has lost one of our own. And I have lost a dear friend and mentor. Sydell Sloan passed away on Friday, September 2nd, peacefully and surrounded by her loved ones. For those of us who did not know she was ill, this came as a complete shock. Her illness was sudden, as was her death. We are all still reeling from the news.

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When Is Cheating Not Cheating? …. NEVER!
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When Is Cheating Not Cheating? …. NEVER! | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} Cheat: The act of deceiving or swindling; deception; fraud; To deal with dishonestly for one’s own gain. So states Webster’s New World Dictionary. This is the first year that I may “sit out” the Olympics. I’m truly, truly sad about it. For as long as I can remember, I have never missed a single one of either the summer or winter games.

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In the Heat of the Summer by Phil Ochs – 1965
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In the Heat of the Summer by Phil Ochs – 1965 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} For those of us of a certain age, the current social and political climate reminds us of the 1960s and the pervasive political and racial unrest that clutched almost a decade. Back in the mid 60s there were demonstrations, marches and assassinations—you name it. All in the name of an unpopular war, racial inequality, women’s rights—a seething unrest that permeated every aspect of American life.

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The Red Flags
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The Red Flags | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} I recently conducted a consultation with a potential client. I had a feeling from the first call that this might be a problematic situation. The husband was the initiating spouse. After speaking briefly with him, I offered some dates to schedule a consultation. He said he would get back to me once he checked with his wife. He called back and scheduled the consultation for a few weeks hence. Then they cancelled. Then they rescheduled. 1st Red Flag.

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Eat Here, Get Gas
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 Eat Here, Get Gas | Ada Hasloecher

{3:36 minutes to read} When I was a child, we took many family vacations. We were fortunate. My dad owned his own business, and when he needed a break, he and my mom planned little getaways in between longer vacations. Mostly the getaways were extended weekend trips, usually wrapped around school closings and holidays. Most of them were not long-distance ones. Many of them were road trips to places we could get to easily by car in a day or so—Williamsburg in Virginia; the Amish country & Hershey in Pennsylvania; Niagara Falls in upstate New York; an autumnal road trip in late September to Vermont and New Hampshire.

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You Have the Right to Remain Silent
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 You Have the Right to Remain Silent | Ada Hasloecher

{4:00 minutes to read} That’s right. Not every comment, statement, speculation, inference … requires a response, answer or argument. This took me a long time to learn. I grew up in a family where we had lively debates at the dinner table on everything from politics to music to sex education … and engagement was the rule of the day. You were not allowed NOT to have an opinion.

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Walking the Razor’s Edge
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Walking the Razor’s Edge | Ada Hasloecher

{2:33 minutes to read} We mediators often do walk a very fine line indeed. We work with couples who have either waited for the mediation to start before bringing up past grievances with each other, or who are triggered when a particular topic ignites a buried and/or unexpressed anger. When that happens, the mediator must almost immediately make the call on how far to allow the situation to play out before stepping in either to stop it or to guide it to its necessary (or unnecessary) conclusion. Not so easy

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9 Years a Slave
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9 Years a Slave | Ada Hasloecher

{4:06 minutes to read} A friend and dear colleague of mine has been going through the matrimonial legal system for a total of 9 years. Yes, you heard that right—9 long years shackled to the adversarial/court system. It took 5 years getting the final divorce settlement, but then 4 more years to litigate the non-compliance of that settlement. Every time she thinks it’s almost over … No! There’s always one more thing.

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