Author Archives: Ada L. Hasloecher

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About Ada L. Hasloecher

Ada Hasloecher is a Divorce Mediator & founder of Divorce and Family Mediation Center, LLC in Long Island, New York.
EMAIL: Ada@DFMCLI.com
BIO: About Ada
PHONE: 631-585-5210

What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
What Happens When the Rejected Becomes the Rejector? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:06 minutes to read} No matter which spouse wants out of the marriage, there invariably comes a time when there may be some second guessing. This is not to say that there is going to be a reconciliation, but the fact of the matter is that, as with all big decisions, the actual reality may not be as clean and clear as it was when we originally conceived it.Case in point: I worked with a couple where the wife was definitely the initiator of the separation. I’m pretty sure that she already had a significant other in her life when they came to see me. The husband looked like someone had shot him out of a cannon. He was despondent and morose and seemed lost to the point of despair.

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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4
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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 4 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} In the preceding 3 articles, we have covered the subjects of retirement funding, comparing 401(k)s and IRAs, and dividing a 401(k) plan. As you will see, IRA plans almost never require a QDRO. However, many of them do have detailed paperwork which can look similar in scope to the language in a QDRO document. Typically, the plan will want to see a copy of the section of the Settlement Agreement (Separation Agreement) that spells out how the parties agreed to split the IRA along with their paperwork. It’s always wise to prepare the paperwork well in advance of the judgement of divorce as there can be a lag time with the paperwork.

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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
 Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 3 | Ada Hasloecher

{4:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 and Part 2 of BJ Mann’s article on retirement plans and divorce, we talked about retirement funds in general and the differences between 401(k)s and IRAs. Now to the topic of dividing the plans. No matter how these plans are divided (equally or some other sharing arrangement), the math must be done first.

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Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
Divorce and 401(k)s and IRAs – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} In Part 1 of this series, BJ Mann reviewed the three main types of retirement funding. In Part 2, we move on to the important details for the mainstay of the typical retirement plans: 401(k)s (and their sisters) and IRAs in all their permutations. These do not address pensions, which will be discussed in a future post. Of particular interest is the difference between qualified and non-qualified plans, which require different sets of instructions for dividing.

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Divorce and 401Ks and IRAs
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, FINANCIAL ARTICLES, Financial Planning & Insurance, on .
 Divorce and 401Ks and IRAs | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} My colleague and fellow mediator, BJ Mann, who practices in Rochester, NY, has written as comprehensive, cogent and concise a primer on the basics of retirement plans for divorcing couples as I have ever read. She graciously allowed me to post it on my site for you, dear reader. After all, why reinvent the wheel? I’ve broken it down into 4 posts for easier digestion.

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Culling Down To The Essentials
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
  Culling Down To The Essentials | Ada Hasloecher

{3:36 minutes to read} Recently a very, very close friend of our family passed away. She was my mother’s oldest and dearest friend. She was family. Her health had been deteriorating of late, but her death came as quite a shock to those of us who knew and loved her. We all called her “Darling,” because that’s what she called everyone, AND she looked like Ava and Zsa Zsa Gabor and Ivana Trump all rolled into one.

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How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 2
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
 How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 2 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} The scenarios Steve Kobrin outlined in Part 1 of this series are something to which most married couples don’t give much thought until the time is upon them to make the decision. At that time, it may be too late to make the choice they would prefer. If they were to take Option #1 (and who wouldn’t want that – you receive the maximum amount the plan would pay out on a monthly basis), the participant is probably at an age where it is unlikely they could obtain a substantial and affordable life insurance policy to cover the difference, were they to die once in payout status. Therefore, they may likely opt for Option #2.

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How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 1
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, Financial Planning & Insurance, MEDIATION, on .
How Life Insurance and Divorce Can Impact Retirement Planning – Part 1 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} Life Insurance and how it relates to retirement plans is not something most couples give much thought to. The following articles, which I collaborated on with Steven H. Kobrin, a life insurance specialist, provide some insight and things to consider. Life insurance can play a pivotal role in retirement planning.

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A Wife’s Fervent Plea for Mediation
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A Wife’s Fervent Plea for Mediation | Ada Hasloecher

{4:42 minutes to read} Every once in awhile, a client will send me something that goes right to the heart of mediation. I’m working with a couple who have been back and forth with threats to stop and go the lawyer route – even though they both know it is not in their best interest to do so. After a rather torrid session, the wife wrote a letter to the husband, and she agreed to let me share it with you. Of course I changed their names and anything very personal to them. If this isn’t a plea for sanity, I don’t know what is.

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Sick of the Election? This is What Your Kids Feel Like.
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Sick of the Election? This is What Your Kids Feel Like. | Ada Hasloecher

{3:42 minutes to read} I have written this blog prior to, and you will be receiving it when we are on the other side of, the 2016 presidential election. So how are you feeling? Exhausted? Spent? Disgusted? Pretty bad, huh? And it ain’t over even when it should be over. There are promises that the feuds are just beginning no matter who “wins.”

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A Friend and Colleague’s Thoughts on Maintenance
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A Friend and Colleague’s Thoughts on Maintenance | Ada Hasloecher

My friend and mediation colleague, Clare Piro, wrote an excellent blog article on “Maintenance” this month. She perfectly articulated the issues and options available to our clients when we discuss the whole concept of maintenance. I asked her if I can post it on my site to share with my readers, and she graciously allowed me to do so.

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Who Is Frida Kahlo and How Did She Influence My Mediation?
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
Who Is Frida Kahlo and How Did She Influence My Mediation? | Ada Hasloecher

{4:24 minutes to read} Frida Kahlo de Rivera was a prolific Mexican artist, political activist and fascinating character. She was born in 1907 and died in 1954. After suffering a debilitating injury in a bus accident as a young girl, she was bed-bound for years. In order to cheer her up, her father bought her an easel and paints, and thus began her life’s work.

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In Memoriam: Sydell S. Sloan – A Divorce & Family Mediation Pioneer
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{4:36 minutes to read} Our mediation community has lost one of our own. And I have lost a dear friend and mentor. Sydell Sloan passed away on Friday, September 2nd, peacefully and surrounded by her loved ones. For those of us who did not know she was ill, this came as a complete shock. Her illness was sudden, as was her death. We are all still reeling from the news.

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When Is Cheating Not Cheating? …. NEVER!
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When Is Cheating Not Cheating? …. NEVER! | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} Cheat: The act of deceiving or swindling; deception; fraud; To deal with dishonestly for one’s own gain. So states Webster’s New World Dictionary. This is the first year that I may “sit out” the Olympics. I’m truly, truly sad about it. For as long as I can remember, I have never missed a single one of either the summer or winter games.

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In the Heat of the Summer by Phil Ochs – 1965
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In the Heat of the Summer by Phil Ochs – 1965 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} For those of us of a certain age, the current social and political climate reminds us of the 1960s and the pervasive political and racial unrest that clutched almost a decade. Back in the mid 60s there were demonstrations, marches and assassinations—you name it. All in the name of an unpopular war, racial inequality, women’s rights—a seething unrest that permeated every aspect of American life.

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The Red Flags
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The Red Flags | Ada Hasloecher

{4:30 minutes to read} I recently conducted a consultation with a potential client. I had a feeling from the first call that this might be a problematic situation. The husband was the initiating spouse. After speaking briefly with him, I offered some dates to schedule a consultation. He said he would get back to me once he checked with his wife. He called back and scheduled the consultation for a few weeks hence. Then they cancelled. Then they rescheduled. 1st Red Flag.

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Eat Here, Get Gas
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 Eat Here, Get Gas | Ada Hasloecher

{3:36 minutes to read} When I was a child, we took many family vacations. We were fortunate. My dad owned his own business, and when he needed a break, he and my mom planned little getaways in between longer vacations. Mostly the getaways were extended weekend trips, usually wrapped around school closings and holidays. Most of them were not long-distance ones. Many of them were road trips to places we could get to easily by car in a day or so—Williamsburg in Virginia; the Amish country & Hershey in Pennsylvania; Niagara Falls in upstate New York; an autumnal road trip in late September to Vermont and New Hampshire.

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You Have the Right to Remain Silent
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Authored by , re: Family & Divorce, MEDIATION, on .
 You Have the Right to Remain Silent | Ada Hasloecher

{4:00 minutes to read} That’s right. Not every comment, statement, speculation, inference … requires a response, answer or argument. This took me a long time to learn. I grew up in a family where we had lively debates at the dinner table on everything from politics to music to sex education … and engagement was the rule of the day. You were not allowed NOT to have an opinion.

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Walking the Razor’s Edge
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Walking the Razor’s Edge | Ada Hasloecher

{2:33 minutes to read} We mediators often do walk a very fine line indeed. We work with couples who have either waited for the mediation to start before bringing up past grievances with each other, or who are triggered when a particular topic ignites a buried and/or unexpressed anger. When that happens, the mediator must almost immediately make the call on how far to allow the situation to play out before stepping in either to stop it or to guide it to its necessary (or unnecessary) conclusion. Not so easy

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9 Years a Slave
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9 Years a Slave | Ada Hasloecher

{4:06 minutes to read} A friend and dear colleague of mine has been going through the matrimonial legal system for a total of 9 years. Yes, you heard that right—9 long years shackled to the adversarial/court system. It took 5 years getting the final divorce settlement, but then 4 more years to litigate the non-compliance of that settlement. Every time she thinks it’s almost over … No! There’s always one more thing.

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Spring Is Almost Here and So Is My Revitalized Website!
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Spring Is Almost Here and So Is My Revitalized Website! | Ada Hasloecher

Every so often it’s time to freshen things up and what better time to do it than the start of a New Year and the welcome approach of the burgeoning of spring. Although I’m launching my revitalized site in early March, it was almost a year in the making with lots of very hard work behind the scenes by my magnificent team, pushing every step of the way!

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Who Bears the Costs of the Emancipated Child?
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Who Bears the Costs of the Emancipated Child? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} An oxymoronic question, no? Actually, no, it’s not. An oxymoron as defined by Merriam-Webster is “a combination of contradictory or incongruous words.” According to the NY State guidelines, child support ends at 21, but an issue many couples are now raising is: What if the child continues to live at home? How do parents address support for that child?

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What Is the Half Life of Guilt?
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What Is the Half Life of Guilt? | Ada Hasloecher

{3:48 minutes to read} There is never a time during which I co-conduct the training at the Center for Mediation & Training in New York City that I don’t come away with a few exquisite gems. I train alongside 2 veteran mediators, Ken Neumann and Steve Abel, who not only trained and mentored me in the craft back in 2003, but over the years, have become close colleagues and friends as well.

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If You’re in the Process, You’re Making Progress
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If You’re in the Process, You’re Making Progress | Ada Hasloecher

{4:00 minutes to read} This past December, the New York State Council on Divorce Mediation (NYSCDM) held its downstate 1-day symposium. Those dedicated mediators who attend these conferences (including the annual 3-day conference every May) find the events rich with excellent presenters on significant topics that go to the heart of the work we do in mediation. They also engage in the heartfelt collegiality we all feel towards each other and the resources we share to help an otherwise difficult situation (divorce) be a more dignified process.

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The New Year – One, Two, Three Punch!
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The New Year – One, Two, Three Punch! | Ada Hasloecher

{2:53 minutes to read} I have three close friends going through a marriage crisis as we begin this New Year:

  • One is definitely moving forward with a divorce.
  • One just had the “I want a separation” conversation with her spouse.
  • One is still trying to work things out, having just gone through a brief “time out”- physical separation.
Of course their crises didn’t just start on January 1st. These things never just start on any particular day. But there is something about the holidays that sort of puts a marker on things.

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The Peace Within / The Peace Without
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The Peace Within / The Peace Without | Ada Hasloecher

{3:18 minutes to read} My friend, Paula Parish, shared one of those “had to share” emails with me just before Thanksgiving. Being as busy as we are these days, finding the time to read everything people send us is not always easy. But when Paula forwards something to me, I read it. And as usual, I’m so glad I did! The message resonated with me immediately, and I realized she handed me my holiday article already bundled up with a big, fat bow—thank you, Paula!

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‘Tis The Season… Blah, Blah, Blah
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‘Tis The Season… Blah, Blah, Blah | Ada Hasloecher

{4:00 minutes to read} I started to write this article just before Thanksgiving but realized it wouldn’t be posted in time. I was going to call it: THANKSgiving or ThanksGIVING? I’ve always been intrigued by the two different places that people put the accent – either on the first syllable or the second one. If someone is from the south, they may say “THANKSgiving” kind of like the way they say UMbrella. But I have a friend from Pittsburgh who pronounces it that way. Go figure.

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Information Overload 101
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Information Overload 101 | Ada Hasloecher

{3:54 minutes to read} Depending on which statistical analysis you’ve heard or read, the prevailing wisdom is that we 21st century, technology driven, heads down/hands poised on cell phones/tablets/computers generation, now absorb more information in one single day than our great, great, great grandparents did in their entire lifetimes! Wow. That’s a whole lotta, lotta, LOTTA stuff comin’ at us second by second, minute by minute – getting to our ancestor’s lifetime of information in one 24-hour period.

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